Into the Blue
by phyca
Summary: Palex. Time for the 15 year high school reunion... and for a 15 year old secret to be revealed. Finally updated!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N – I'm doing a practice run for NaNoWriMo this month by trying to finish up all of my fanfics. This means that yes, I will indeed finish that damned Practice What You Preach, as well as another untitled Palex fic, so yay. **

**The plot of this little gem is stolen from a wonderfully amazing short film called Gillery's Little Secret. Here's my version, starring Paige and Alex, and I beg the writer of GLS to understand that I write this in homage, not to plagiarize her brilliant story. **

Alex came home from work, collapsing on the couch in an exhibit of mock exaggeration. Gina, her wife, was soon curled up at her side, smiling brightly.

"What's up?" asked Alex, catching some of Gina's contagious smile herself, but narrowing her eyes cautiously.

"You thought I wouldn't find out about your reunion, didn't you?"

"I'd hoped," said Alex, dropping the smile and closing her eyes.

"Well, the good news is, someone from the reunion committee called today to remind you, and the better news – I bought us tickets."

"Tell me you're kidding."

"Nope. We're going."

"You're going to have to go alone."

"Uh-uh. We're going together. Besides, you owe me for not taking me to your tenth."

"I believe we were too busy planning a wedding that summer. But I can see that wasn't terribly memorable for you."

Gina laughed and playfully slapped Alex's thigh. "Don't be so cross. You know, sometimes I wonder if you purposely scheduled the wedding to coincide with your reunion."

Alex smiled, eyes still closed, but didn't respond.

"So, it's Saturday, at the school. I already talked to Roz – she said she'd spend the evening at Mallory's."

Alex groaned.

"Quit whining. It won't be as bad as you think."

"Oh, it could be."

"What are you so afraid of? Old enemies?" Gina sighed. "Paige?" Alex tensed up. "I thought so. Still scared of the ex, 15 years later… surely she wasn't _that_ bad."

"Ha," said Alex, opening her eyes finally. "If you'd known Paige Michalchuk in high school, you might have a different opinion."

Gina snuggled up to her. "If she gives you any shit, you know I'll protect you."

There was little more Alex could do, besides smile sadly and kiss her forehead, letting her continue to think just what she'd been lead to believe.

When talking about the breakup with her first girlfriend, Alex often insinuated that the whole affair had been messy, complicated, and painful. And she might have mentioned more than once that Paige had been a complete bitch about it.

The truth of the matter, though, was that while the breakup had indeed been painful, Paige had been far from bitchy. No, it had been far worse than that. The very next day, while Alex sat morosely by herself, her last few hours of high school were being made pure torture thanks to Paige. Cheery and bubbly, she treated Alex as if they'd never dated… or known each other at all, for that matter. And to have jumped into bed with Spin the very next day – that still gave her grief.

And then, of course, there was Roz…


	2. Chapter 2

**So, this chapter was hard enough to write. And then yesterday, a girl emails me saying she beta'd Gillery's Little Secret when it was a short story (Calumet?) and that she'd forward it on to the writer. And then this morning I get a review from the great Ali Vali herself, and I just died. Hello Ali! I hope you find my dialogue bearable, and that you don't mind terribly much that I used the phrase "Paige's Little Secret." **

Roz Nunez was listening to her mothers' conversation, her door cracked open just enough to hear. When they shifted the topic to what to cook for dinner, she silently closed and locked her door. The infamous Paige would be in town in just a few days and she needed to prepare.

She poured over her computer files – mainly pictures of Paige from old Degrassi yearbooks. She needed to be sure, or as sure as she could be, before she confronted her with the list of odd questions she'd been constructing for the last few years. And after confirming that her parents' address was still the same, she pulled an old Polaroid picture hidden in the pages of her dictionary. It was her mother and Paige, dressed up for a party of some sort. "A couple of hot chicks" it said, in flowery cursive. Roz stared at this and her own reflection in the mirror until her mother called her for dinner.

Saturday morning, Roz was out the door before her mothers had even woken up, leaving them a simple note claiming she was at the rink practicing hockey with a teammate. In truth, she was staked outside the Michalchuk residence with her bike, patiently waiting for the driver of the rental car parked out front. She didn't have long to wait – Paige was apparently a morning person – and not in need of her car. Her destination was nearby – The Dot.

No sooner had Paige ordered her coffee than Roz approached her. "Are you Paige?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, sweetie, but I don't believe I know who you are."

"You knew my mom – Alex Nunez." Roz took a seat.

That was honestly not a name Paige expected to hear. She hadn't seen Alex since she'd gone off to Banting. In fact, no one had really heard from her during the last 15 years.

Paige tried to wipe the shock off of her face. "Ah, yes. Alex. How is she doing?"

"She's fine. But I didn't come to talk about her exactly. I just… I wanted to ask you… it's going to sound stupid."

Paige smirked. "Try me."

"Well, you and my mom, you dated in high school, right?"

_This is far too much history to be drudging up before my morning coffee_, thought Paige. "What has your mother told you?" The fact that Alex had a child made her wonder if perhaps she was no longer gay… and she wasn't about to reveal things Alex would rather keep secret.

"She said you two dated in high school. I just don't know how to bring this up."

"Bring what up?"

"Were you still dating in June of 2006?"

"That's the month we broke up. Right before graduation."

"My birthday's nine months later. March 15, 2007. Beware the Ides of March," she said, smiling feebly.

"Um, that's a lot to lay on a person before they've even had their first cup of coffee. I don't even know your name yet. And I'm pretty sure that what you're suggesting is very much impossible."

Roz held out her hand awkwardly. "I'm Roz. Roselyn."

"Can I possibly get my coffee sometime today?" Paige called out with frustration to the waitress who was taking orders at another table. "Roselyn?" she asked, turning back to look at the girl.

"Yeah. Your middle name."

"Alex always had a twisted sense of humour." The waitress arrived at the table, delivering Paige's coffee with a scowl. "Oh, coffee. I so need you right now." Roz waited patiently as Paige stirred in her sugar and cream and took several sips while trying to process what was going on. "Ok, now, let's try this again. You think I somehow managed to impregnate your mother? You do realize it doesn't work that way, don't you, hon?"

Roz shot her a look of pure adolescent resentment – and for the first time Paige could see some of Alex in her. "Of course not," she said defensively. "It's just, sometimes when my mom and her friend Jay are drinking, he starts calling me Paige's Little Secret. My mom always gets nervous and tells him to shut up before I hear. But if he's really drunk, he just keeps going… 'Paige Jr.'… 'Spawn of Paige'… 'Little Miss Michalchuk'… and then my mom has to literally throw him out the door."

"Strange nicknames aside, have you ever thought that Jay's your father? Maybe she… rebounded… after we broke up."

"Yeah. I asked him once and he just laughed in my face. Said that once my mother went gay, she never looked back. He seemed sad. I think he still loves her. I think he wishes she had gone back to him."

"It seems to me she must have."

Roz took the Polaroid picture out of her back pocket and set it on the table. "See how happy she was? She looks angry in all of the pictures of her and Jay together. No way she went back to him."

Paige took the picture from the table. It was from the night of the movie premiere… the night Alex kissed her, changing both of their lives dramatically.

"Why did you leave her?"

"I didn't leave her. She just didn't follow. I wanted her to come to Banting with me… I had practically picked out our china and then she decided she needed to do her own thing. Which, I guess, was to go out and get pregnant with you."

Roz was quiet, staring down at the table, obviously mulling something over.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. That was mean of me. I'm sure she got her life in order. She did what she needed to do."

"It's not that. I want to go to Banting."

"That's a pretty big aspiration."

"I know. That's what my mom says. And then she tells me we can't afford it. And then she gets all sad-like and leaves the room. I think she just doesn't want me to go because it reminds her of you. She doesn't want me to go off to Banting and abandon her too."

"Hey now, lighten up on the accusations. It was her decision to stay behind. She broke up with me." The girl looked more lost now than when she'd come in, and Paige softened. "The Banting thing is great. I know some people there. Keep your marks up and when the time comes, give me a call and I'll see if I can pull some strings." She handed Roz her business card. "It's a shame you aren't really my daughter; it's easier to get in if you're the child of an alumnus."

Roz bit her lip and stood up. "I should get going… my moms are going to start to worry soon… but thanks."

"Goodbye, Roz. And good luck finding your answers."

And with that, Paige found herself very much alone, staring at the Polaroid picture of two girls, smiling brightly 15 years ago, forever caught in a moment.

**We never did learn Paige's middle name on the show, right? And just to prove that I didn't make it up out of thin air, I used a derivation of her mother's name – Rose. And Roz is an awesome name. Roz Nunez. That's a name that says 'Don't fuck with me,' isn't it?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N -- Well, I'm not dead, though I was starting to fear for my muse. But the season is over (and Palex is back!) and I find myself writing once again. Sadly, this chapter still bugs me and has nothing to show for the god-knows-how-many-months-long hiatus this fic has had. Chapter 4 is a bugger too, but hopefully I'll be able to fill in the remaining holes and have it out to you soon. **

* * *

When Paige finally returned to her parents' home, some time later, she found the four most important men in her life – her husband, her brother, her best friend, and her father – all huddled around the PS6. 

"Haha! Take that, Canucks!" hollered Dylan, jumping up from his seat. "Another point for the Maple Leafs!"

"Hey, boys," said Paige, sitting on the arm of the couch and kissing her husband, Brian, on the cheek. "Mind if I borrow Marco for a sec, Dyl?"

"If our team wasn't ahead by 11 points – in the first quarter, no less – I might say no. But since I could take on these Canucks by myself, blindfolded, I suppose I can part with him."

"Blindfolded, you say?" asked Brian, looking at Mr. Michalchuk.

"I think Rose keeps one of those beauty sleep masks upstairs… I could run and get it," he replied.

"I can see it's about to get wild in here. Do you mind, Marco?"

"No, no, not at all," he said, putting his controller on the coffee table. "What's up?"

Four pairs of eyes were looking up at her. "Let's go outside."

"You're kind of fidgety, Paige," he said as they took a seat out on the patio. "Something happen while you were gone?"

"I met a girl who seems to think I'm her mother… or something."

"Or something? You had a child at some point and forgot to tell me?"

"No! Of course not. She… she's Alex's daughter."

"Alex Nunez? As in your ex-girlfriend? The one who's been MIA for 15 years now?"

"That would be the one."

"And she has a daughter? Who thinks _you're_ her mother?"

"Maybe."

"How old is she?"

"Fourteen. And a few months, I guess. But regardless, I obviously couldn't have gotten Alex pregnant."

"Yeah, not being a guy and not having had sex with her means you are pretty much in the clear."

"Your naivety is adorable."

Marco blinked a few times. "Wait. You mean to say you did have sex with Alex? And you never told me?"

"Have I ever discussed my sex life with you? Anyway, we _were_ together for a few months. It can't be all that surprising. I mean, how long until you and my brother had sex? Scratch that. Don't ever tell me anything about my brother's sex life. Some things are best left unsaid."

"Maybe that's how you should look at this."

"That sure is how Alex is handling it. That poor girl. Not having a clue about her father. So desperate to understand this whole thing, she's grasping at straws. And leaving me here with a mystery more baffling than how Lindsey Lohan won that directing Oscar last year." She tried to laugh at her joke, but her face crumpled into a pout.

"I don't get why this bothers you so much, Paige. It obviously can't be. Even if you did have sex."

"I just feel like something's going on here that I haven't yet figured out."

"What, how the laws of biology could possible have ceased to exist once upon a time 15 years ago?"

"No!" She laughed a nervous, unsettled laugh. "I don't know." Her shoulders slumped. "Why would Alex do this to me?"

"I'm not really sure what Alex did to you, other than break up with you."

"And name her daughter after me. A daughter who _could_ be mine if I were a guy. A daughter who looks…" Paige stopped herself short.

"Who looks… what?"

Paige swallowed and looked at Marco with uncertainty. "Who looks an awful lot like me."

"Whoa. Now it's starting to make sense."

"So you figured it out?"

"Well, no. But maybe she got a sperm donor… someone who looked like you."

"Yeah, Alex had the money to go out and get a sperm donor at 18, with no job and no life partner and no immediate prospects in life. That makes loads of sense."

"I've got it!" said Marco enthusiastically. "Jay!"

"I already suggested that. Roz said I was way off the mark there."

"Roz?"

Paige gave him another pained look. "As in Roselyn. I told you Alex named her after me."

"Wow."

"Marco, what do I do if it's true?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N – Finally! Aren't you relieved that I've gotten around to finishing up the next chapter? Sorry for being such a slow and plodding writer. You can all go thank afterellen for their essay today on the glories of Palex. I was properly inspired. And another thank you to Sharmen928 for creating the videos they posted… all those clips are heaven.**

**And just a reminder, this fic does not take into consideration any of the wonderful things that happened in season six. **

**Three more chapters to go. The next one is still rough around the edges, the sixth one is finished, and the last one just needs a decent ending. So that should be about… 2 more years of waiting. Just kidding. I hope.**

* * *

"You've got to stop stressing about Paige," said Gina as they pulled up to the school following a silent car ride.

Alex didn't respond… or even look at Gina. She wondered, for a moment, if she should tell her that there was more to the Paige story than she knew, but then she thought better. After all, she'd kept quiet for 15 years – she wasn't about to start talking now.

The lights in the gym were low, and a disco ball – probably the very same one used at all the dances since the school came into being – hung from the ceiling. Boy band music blared from the speakers, making Alex cringe in disgust.

There was a good-sized crowd already mingling about in the gym when they arrived. But despite all the people, Alex spotted Paige instantly. It really wasn't hard – the crowd seemed to radiate around her.

"So, that's her, huh?" asked Gina, wrapped her arm gently around Alex's waist.

"Yeah, and still popular after all these years."

Paige looked up at that moment and smiled. She excused herself from her party and made her way over to Alex and Gina.

"Hey," said Alex, unable to say much more. Paige looked every bit how she imagined she would, done up in pearls and wearing an expensive suit – obviously she had made herself the success she'd set out to be.

"Hello, Alex," responded Paige warmly. "How are you?"

Alex shrugged. "Fine. This is Gina, my wife. Gina, Paige."

"Gina, wonderful to meet you," greeted Paige, offering up a warm handshake. "How long have you been married?"

"Five years."

"Well, congratulations! I've been married for almost seven." She turned around and pointed to the crowd from which she'd emerged. "That's Brian, talking to Marco, who, by the way, has been married to Dylan now for about four years."

"Um, that's great," said Alex, not bothering to look.

"Oh, Alex, how I've missed your complete and utter lack of interest in others."

There was a long stretch of awkward silence, finally interrupted by Gina. "Well, I see you two have some catching up to do. I'm going to stand by the punchbowl for a while."

"Gina, stay," begged Alex.

"No, really. I'd just be in the way." She slipped out of Alex's grasp, looking back to offer an encouraging smile.

Alex turned back to Paige.

"So."

"So… I met Roz today."

Alex was unable to hide her look of surprise and displeasure. "How did that happen?"

"I think she was stalking me."

"Any particular reason?" she asked nervously.

"She had some questions for me. Some very interesting questions."

"She shouldn't have any questions for you. She doesn't know you."

"She seems to think I know something about her… conception. Which I obviously don't." Paige tilted her head, jutting her jaw forward. "Maybe it's time you sat her down and told her."

"Told her what, exactly?"

"Who her father is."

"She doesn't have a father. She has two mothers. Me and Gina."

"And what about Jay?"

Alex let out a short burst of a laugh. "You think Jay's her father?"

"Well, I kinda did… kinda hoped, I guess… until now. I just thought that maybe… after we broke up…"

"That I would go fuck my ex-boyfriend like you did?"

"How do you know about that?"

"It wasn't much of a secret, Paige. Word gets around."

"Do we really need to rehash the past?"

Alex glared. "You sure seem intent on it."

"Your daughter just wants to know who her father is. She needs answers. It's only fair."

"It's none of your business, Paige."

"She made it my business."

"Then unmake it."

"Alex," said Paige, lowering her voice, "if it's none of my business, then why did you name her after me? Why does Jay call her Paige's Little Secret? How did I get wrapped up in this? I think you owe me some answers too."

"I don't owe you anything."

Paige was clearly frustrated with her. Alex remembered that look all too well.

"It's too crowded in here," said Paige. "Why don't we go take a walk through the halls of our old haunt?"

They walked silently past lockers and classrooms. When they were far enough away from the noises of the gym, Paige motioned for them to stop, and they took a seat on a bench.

Alex sat stiffly, her eyes locked on the wall of lockers before her.

"The place sure has changed a lot, hasn't it?" asked Paige. "Spiffy lockers…"

"Mmhm."

"Let's try this again, shall we? How are you doing? How have you been?"

"I've been wonderful since you left me."

Paige took a deep breath. "Alex, please, I didn't leave you. And I'm trying very hard right now to have a civilized conversation with you."

"I know," sighed Alex. "I'm sorry. I'm really over it. I swear. I'm just… on edge, that's all."

"How's Gina?"

"Great. She's… wonderful. I can hardly believe some days that I was lucky enough to find her. I never thought…"

"Never thought what?"

"I guess I'd kind of convinced myself I was destined to be unlucky in love. I still don't feel like I deserve her."

Paige reached out and squeezed her arm. "I'm happy for you, Alex. Do you have any other children, besides Roz?"

Alex shook her head.

"She seems like a good kid."

"She is."

"I thought by now I would have two or three little kids running around and driving me crazy," said Paige. "But things haven't exactly gone according to plan. We've tried hormone therapy and in-vitro and nothing's worked. We finally gave in and met with an adoption agency last month and started that whole process. It's been a great disappointment to say the least.

"You know I never liked it when things didn't go the way I wanted them to go. But I've got to tell you, showing up in Toronto and being approached by a teenager who thinks I'm her mother… that was never part of any plan I ever could have concocted. That seriously blows my mind. And yet…" Paige's shoulders slumped.

"Yet?" asked Alex, not daring to look at her.

"Yet… I know it can't be true, but if somehow… I wouldn't be so opposed to the idea."

"What idea? You're not making any sense."

"To the idea that she's partly mine."

Alex studied her nails. Finally she sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Ok, fine, maybe you had something to do with it."

"That's rather cryptic," said Paige, and Alex looked at her with annoyance. "But it's a start. Keep going."

"I loved you, ok? I'd lost you to your perfect, planned out life, and maybe I loved you so much I needed to keep a piece of you all to myself to remember you by."

"A piece of me? So, somehow she's mine too?"

"In a way."

"What kind of way?"

"It doesn't matter, Paige. Look, if you want her in your life, I'll be ok with that. And I don't mean that you can just walk off with her. She's mine, first and foremost. But if you want to meet her and talk with her – about anything not related to her father – that's fine by me. Assuming she's ok with it too."

"I'd like that. I really would."

Silence fell down upon them again, but Paige was never one for holding her tongue. "But really, Alex, why are you so reluctant to share the father with her or with me?"

"Jesus, Paige. Will you let up on that? I'm not going to tell you. That's a secret for me and me alone."

"He doesn't even know?"

"No, I don't think so."

"How could he not know?"

"I'm going back to the party. Alone."

Paige jumped up after Alex, grabbing her arm, forcing her to turn around and face her.

"Alright, no more questions about Roz's father. I swear. Just talk to me; 15 years without a word is too long." They started to walk some more; Paige could tell that Alex was far too restless to stay seated.

"Did you ever figure out what you wanted to do with your life?"

"Not really. Getting knocked up at 19 was kinda like a ball and chain. Hard to get very far. Never even made it out of T.O. I work a dead-end job, and it's all Gina and I can do to keep afloat sometimes."

"I'm sorry things are so difficult for you. It's pretty cool though that Roz is a second-generation Degrassian."

"Kinda strange, considering how much I hated school. But I just got stuck here, like I said. Nothing to do with any subconscious love for the place."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with staying in Toronto. Dylan still lives here. Works for me. I'm always out here, visiting Dyl and Marco and my parents." Paige's mind started to wander. "It's strange, isn't it, how Dylan's been invited to play hockey all over the world, but he prefers to stay here with the Leafs. I certainly don't mind the excuses to come home. But I never could figure out why he never left. It drives Marco up a wall. Dylan just doesn't want to leave, but never explains… himself… ohmygodDylan!?"

Paige stopped in her tracks, her hand wrapped tightly around Alex's forearm. "He's a piece of me," she said to herself. Her eyes shot back at Alex. "You didn't. You couldn't. That's makes no sense… what the hell, Alex?"

Alex clenched her jaw. "You don't know anything, Paige," she said bitterly. "Quit trying to uncover my secrets. You're doing a piss-poor job of it." With that, she shook off Paige's hand and strode off toward the gym, anger in her steps.

"Let's go," said Alex to Gina, who had found company at the punchbowl with Marco.

"We haven't even been here 30 minutes. And you haven't talked to anyone besides Paige."

"I've done more than enough talking for one evening."

"Is everything ok, Alex?" asked Marco.

"Peachy. You need to keep your little friend Paige on a tighter leash – and try not to let her think too much – it's obviously something she shouldn't attempt on her own." With that, she turned on her heel and was out the door, with Gina running behind.

Another silent car ride followed – this one much needed. They entered their apartment without a word. Alex headed to bed.

It was not until nearly midnight that Gina finally slipped under the covers beside her wife, who was still very much awake.

"So," asked Gina carefully, her fingers delicately stroking Alex's hand, "care to explain why Roz looks so much like your ex?"

"Not really," answered Alex, who promptly rolled over, ending the conversation before it had really begun.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - I bet y'all thought I was dead. Well, I wasn't, I was just in a rut. But now, thanks to anti-depressants, winning NaNoWriMo, and dumping my girlfriend, I feel great. I've been working on this (and the final two chapters) constantly for over a week. And really, if I have to read this chapter one more time, I might go mad, so I figure it's time to post.**

**Again, to remind you since it's been so long, this only uses canon up through season five. My god, I just realized I've been working on this for over a year. For shame. **

**Cheers to you, Sabbath Purr, just because, you know, you're awesome and all. That little nod's for you.**

**Now then, read, review, critique and enjoy!**

* * *

"Brian, hon, we need to talk." said Paige. 

"Uh-oh. Sounds serious," he said, chuckling. "And here I was thinking you just wanted to show me the backyard again."

Paige smirked. "You remember Alex, right?"

"Your scowling ex? The one who stormed out of the reunion before I got to say hi?"

"That would be the one." Paige shifted in her seat, trying to figure out the best way to fill him in. _Just throw him in the deep end_, she thought.. "Well… it seems we kind of have a lovechild. Who's 14. Whom I didn't know even existed until yesterday."

"Hm. I'm not quite getting the joke."

"No joke to get. Her name's Roselyn and she's the spitting image of me. Ok, well, close enough"

Brian looked at Paige with disbelief, but the expression on her face said she really wasn't kidding.

"And she's yours how exactly?"

"Well, if you want to get technical about it…"

"Paige," said Alex, suddenly appearing at the back gate. "I think it's best to ignore the technicalities,"

"Pull up a chair, Alex. Paige was just telling me this fascinating story regarding your relationship," said Brian, good naturedly, still waiting for the punch line.

"No, actually I was going to tell you about the time Alex turned a gay boy straight for one night," returned Paige with a bit of fire in her eyes, all directed at her ex-girlfriend.

Alex was nonplussed. "I always preferred the one where I turned a straight girl gay for a few months."

"Touché." The women locked eyes. Brian finally realized that whatever was going on probably wasn't going to be funny. "Alrighty then," he said as he stood up, "I'll leave you two to figure this out. I think I'm going to go do something simple, like watch the weather channel. I can understand that, at least."

Paige pursed her lips, but didn't stop him from leaving. Alex held her guard at the gate. She liked having an escape route handy.

"Well?" asked Paige, knowing that that one word question was enough.

"Well, I came to apologize for yesterday. Just because you annoy the hell out of me doesn't mean Roz shouldn't be allowed to see you."

"How very kind of you. Why the change of heart?"

"Because she's yours. Like I said. In a way."

"Enough with the vague. I already know it was Dylan. I asked him if he spent any time with you after we broke up, and it took some prodding, but he finally admitted getting drunk and high with you around the time I – we – graduated. And I don't want any details at all, please, but whatever you did to him…"

"You weren't there. You don't know what happened that night. And my hanging out with Dylan doesn't prove anything."

"I think Roz is proof enough of what happened."

"We talked, ok? He's gay, I'm gay. Nothing happened. Got it?" The look on her face once again made Paige doubt her current theory just a little. Alex crossed her arms and glared hard at Paige. "Got it?" she asked again. Paige finally nodded in agreement. "Great, now that we've gotten that out of the way maybe we can actually talk about Roz, and I hope you'll agree that she's a tad more worthy of your attention than whoever you've decided is her father today."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"I haven't talked to her yet, but I can. Obviously, she's curious about you. And you seem annoyingly curious about her too."

"So what are you proposing?"

"What I was talking about last night, that you two meet. Supervised, of course. And only if she agrees."

"Alright. Good," said Paige, the wheels in her head almost visibly turning as she tried to take it all in. "Yes, I'd like that."

Alex grew fidgety, playing with her nails for a second, then throwing her hands down and looking up at the sky for a few moments. "Can I sit?"

Paige motioned for her to take the chair Brian had vacated.

Alex sat down, looked at Paige, then looked down at the table and started using her nails to pry a splinter from the table. "I…" she started, then suddenly swallowed and looked up at Paige again, rolling the splinter back and forth between her fingers. "I need you to understand. I wanted something to remember you by, like I said. And that night, maybe I wasn't thinking too clearly, but I thought having your child would be the best way. Which I totally regretted the next morning. And prayed for the next couple of weeks that the odds would be in my favor and I'd be off the hook…" Alex broke eye contact and stared at the splinter. For once, Paige did not interrupt or goad her into continuing before she was ready. Alex finally flicked the splinter away and continued.

"When they handed her to me and I looked at her, I started to cry. I was looking at her and all I could think was, she has Paige's nose, she has Paige's nose. Over and over. It was so stupid, but I couldn't think of anything else. And I just cried, regretting what I'd done but clinging to her at the same time. 'Cause I thought I'd just get a kid, right? And that I'd only be aware of her connection to you when I thought about it. I didn't expect to be reminded of you every single time I looked at her.

"We lived with my mom for a few years. But then something happened and she… betrayed me, so I took Roz and left for good. Lived in a shelter for a while and they helped me get back on my feet. Fixed me up with a job and helped me find a cheap apartment. I remember the day we moved in. We didn't have much in the way of furniture, and I remember sitting on the floor with her, watching her play with this wooden puzzle she loved so much, and I just couldn't believe she was real, that little thing that looked so much like you, holding up puzzle pieces for me to see and smiling at me with your smile.

"As she grew older, she started to act like you too. She has some of your mannerisms, you know?" Paige smiled tenderly as something stirred in her breast. "But every time she does something that reminds me of you…" Alex bit her upper lip and closed her eyes, trying to collect herself. "She's only becoming more like you every day…"

Alex was starting to get choked up. Paige reached across the table and put her hand over Alex's, but Alex pulled away, leaning back in her chair. "God, I've talked too much."

"No, it's good. I want to know these things. I want to know more about her," said Paige. "Our daughter," she added. "God, it feels really weird to say that. But that's what you want, right? That I acknowledge her as my own?"

"What I want is for none of this to ever have happened. But since I can't have that, I guess I'll have to take that."

"Our daughter," said Paige, trying to get used to the idea, as though the words themselves would help make everything a little more real.

They sat in silence for a bit, both reflecting on Roz. Alex was imagining every terrible scenario she could involving Roz leaving her and following in Paige's footsteps. Paige was thinking over and over again, _My daughter, my daughter, my daughter…_, then began to plan all the things they would do together, and then…

"So, how did you convince Dylan to do it?" asked Paige suddenly.

"Do what?"

"Father Roz."

"What exactly makes you think Dylan's the father?"

"Because he's my brother."

"Yeah, that makes loads of sense."

"You said you needed to keep me with you in a way. He's me, in a way. We share the same genes and all."

"Could've been your father, you know," said Alex, deadpan. Paige balked and Alex gave her a sliver of a smile to let her know she was teasing.

"Ew, ew, ew. It's much less disturbing to think you seduced my gay brother somehow," laughed Paige heartily. And for a moment, in the afterglow, it was just like old times. "Do you think Dylan knows?"

"There's nothing for him to know."

Paige huffed.

Alex looked pained and defeated. "The only person who needs to know anything is you. She's yours – ours – no matter how she came to be. And if you want to be in her life, that's cool. If not – or if you can't for whatever reason – or you're not ready – that's cool too, for now. She doesn't know yet, not all of it. But she's smart; she'll figure it out soon enough. And if she chooses to see you again, just promise me you won't push her away, that you'll give her a chance. And if you can, accept her as your own."

"Of course I will."

"I can't give her everything she wants or even half the things she deserves. You know, she's smart as shit. She can go anywhere she wants – if she's got the opportunities. She's smart enough to make it on her own, but she deserves so much more.

"She wants to get out of Toronto and see the world. I can't do that for her. Maybe… maybe you could show her things that I can't. Teach her things I can't. Let her know that just because two of her moms didn't quite make it, the third did and so can she."

"Alex, don't be so hard on yourself."

"Will you help her?" asked Alex again a little more urgently.

"Of course," said Paige. "Are you going to tell her then?"

Alex nodded. "I need to go pick her up," she said, rising from the table and heading for the gate. "I'll let you know if she wants to see you."

"I'm free the rest of today and all day tomorrow," said Paige quickly, desperately, jumping up from the table. "Just say the word and I'll be there."

"Ok," said Alex, turning on her heel to flee.

"Alex… one more thing," she called out. Alex stopped and looked back at Paige.

"I think he does know. I think that's why he never left."

"I know," said Alex quietly as she walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N -- No, I am not dead (why do I start all my A/Ns with such a reassurance?). But 703 just about did me in. I only feel twinges of the Palex!Love from time to time, and often not long enough to even open up a word document. But we're on day 5 now of a Palex binge, and I wonder if maybe, just maybe, the grief has ended. There is one more chapter, an epilogue of sorts, but it is almost as long as the rest of the fic, so I'm trying to figure out what to cut. I hope to get that to you before this Palex bender is over. Enjoy and leave me constructive criticism, if you like.**

* * *

"I thought Gina was going to pick me up," said Roz, climbing into the car that afternoon.

"You and I need to have a talk," said Alex, with as stern a face as she could muster.

Roz knew from her mother's tone that it was serious and stared at the knapsack in her lap, hiding behind a mane of brown hair. Alex put the car in drive and started down the road, her hands rhythmically squeezing the steering wheel as she tried to keep herself together.

She opened her mouth to speak, but it took a few tries before she finally got the words out. "I know you talked to Paige."

Roz lifted apologetic eyes to her mother.

"It's ok. I'm not mad. Well, not much. But that was way too much past to go digging up and throwing at two unsuspecting people.

"I guess I should have spoken to you sooner," she continued, finally offering a bit of a smile to her daughter. "It's not exactly an easy subject to bring up. I still don't even know where to begin. Or how to explain." And true to her word, she grew silent, focusing on the road instead.

After a few uncomfortable seconds, Roz spoke up. "Is Paige my… mother?"

Alex didn't answer immediately, but instead pulled over to the side and turned off the car. Facing her daughter, she replied, "In a way. You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her."

"I don't understand. I thought you were my mother."

"I am. I gave birth to you. The only thing you need to know is that I had you because I loved her."

"But how is that even possible?"

Alex smiled. "Maybe you'll just have to wait until the next reunion to find out."

"Mo-om!"

"Why don't you just spend these next five years getting to know Paige instead?"

"Do you think she'll be ok with that?"

"I already talked to her. We're going to do an unofficial joint custody sort of thing – if you want, that is. You know, you go spend a week or two with her in the summer, she'll spend time with you when she's in town."

"Really?"

"Mmhm."

"Does Gina know?"

"As much as you do, I think. I told her this morning. But she didn't ask me a million questions like someone else I know," Alex said, teasing her daughter.

"Gina's not mad, is she? Or jealous? She knows she's still my mom too, right?"

"I think Gina's a little upset with me that I never really confided in her about… this. But she's not mad at you and she'll never stop loving you, no matter what. Same for me."

"Same for me for you," said Roz. "I still don't understand, though."

"Well, you're not getting any more out of me. Let's leave it at that." Alex started the car. "What are you doing this evening? Don't have a hockey game tonight or something?" she asked changing the subject to a topic she normally avoided. The fact that her daughter had gone into such a sport horrified her. If fact, though she could barely admit it to herself, she was somewhat disappointed that the girl hadn't gone out for cheerleading.

"Mom, it's June. Hockey season is over. But I was going to go practice with Sawyer today." Roz suddenly jumped with excitement. "Oh my god, did you know Paige's brother plays professional hockey? You think she might introduce me to him?" she asked giddily.

Alex was blindsided by the question – and it showed. "You want to meet Dylan?"

Roz spoke slowly, her mind trying to understand why her mother had been so shocked. "Yeah… Dylan Michalchuk… he's a forward for the Maple Leafs…" A glimmer of realization came into her eyes. "You knew him?"

Alex merely nodded. She watched as Roz screwed her eyes up in confusion, before tilting her head and shooting her back a look of incredulity.

"Mom. Seriously?"

Alex looked down.

"But he's gay."

"So am I."

"But…?"

She took a deep breath and put her hand on her daughter's face. "He was the closest thing I had to her. He doesn't even remember it. Hell, I barely remember. It had nothing to do with him. It was all about Paige.

"When I look at you, I always see her. As far as I'm concerned, Paige is every bit your mother as me and Gina. Alright, maybe not 'every bit,' but pretty close. She's the reason you're here. Ok?" She smiled and patted her reassuringly on the cheek. "Congrats, kid. One day they'll write a book about you – Roz has three mommies."

Roz glared back with Paige's smirk on her lips. "Yeah, and a gay daddy."

"Now you're getting carried away," said Alex in a tone that let Roz know that such comments were off limits. "You just need to remember that without Paige and me, you wouldn't be here. So why don't we get home and start figuring out what to do for dinner. I think we could convince a certain blonde to join us. After your practice of course." Alex started the car again and continued on to home.

"Hey Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. You know, for telling me and all. Even if you didn't mean to tell me everything."

Alex smiled at her daughter, whom she hoped would never truly know "everything," and turned her attention back to the road. They drove on for a while before Alex cleared her throat nervously.

"So… did I ever tell you that they used to refer to me and Paige as Palex?"

"Like you were a single entity?" asked Roz, fascinated.

"Just about glued at the hip back then…"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - Y'all thought this story was dead, didn't you? Well, so did I, despite the fact that the "epilogue" had pretty much been written years ago. But as I'd said before, it was too long and I wasn't sure what to do with it. Today, while telling a friend about this story, I was suddenly nostalgic and thought at the very least I should pull it out and give it a read, and if I could manage it, post the first section of the prologue/epilogue as its own chapter. So, here you go, part two of Into the Blue: Remember Spring.**

* * *

It was June 2006. One day after she'd broken up with Paige. There weren't a lot of places to go in the middle of the night. She didn't feel like showing up at the ravine despite, or because of, Jay's insistence that she drop by, and she didn't want to be at home with her mom and Chad, so she stuck her hands in her pockets, kept her eyes on the ground, and just walked.

A car pulled up alongside her and she felt a wave of fear, only to hear a somewhat familiar voice call her name. It was Dylan.

"Can I give you a ride somewhere?"

"No. That would defeat the purpose of my random walk."

"I see. I'm just out for coffee. You should join me."

She eyed him skeptically and then looked down the road. It looked like everywhere else she'd already walked that night.

"Where's your better half?"

"Funny thing – Mr. Del Rossi, not so fond of me sleeping over." Alex almost smiled. "So, you game?"

"Fine. But I'm not in the mood for coffee shops and bright lights."

"You'd prefer a smoky club with bad lighting?"

"I'd prefer a six pack and a joint."

"Well, I can help with the alcohol, but all my pot connections went home for the summer."

"Don't worry, I've got my own connections."

And that's how they ended up parking near the ravine, getting shit-faced and stoned.

"You know, I love my sister," said Dylan starting on his fifth beer, his enunciation slow and sloppy, "but she's fucking nuts when it comes to boys. I mean, I am too, and I'd be all over Marco right now if he wasn't all tied up with graduation and needing his 'beauty sleep.'"

"And if Super Mario Dad would let you near his son."

"Yeah. That sucks."

"Yeah."

Dylan looked confused for a moment. Alex took another hit of the joint and passed it back to him. "God, this is quality shit," he said after a long draw. "What was I talking about?"

"Paige and boys."

"Oh yeah. I was glad she was willing to explore her sexuality and all, but I never thought it would last. I mean, she's Paige. I'm surprised she could breathe without a boy attached to her. I honestly didn't think you two would last as long as you did. I'm sorry for you though."

"Why?"

"Because she dropped you so quickly. This is why you shouldn't date bi girls. Especially bicurious girls."

Alex hoped it was just the haze of beer and pot making things so hard to understand. "What?"

"Bi girls, they always go back to boys. That's what my lesbian friends tell me."

Alex's eyebrows screwed up even tighter. "But I broke up with her."

"You mean she didn't dump you for Spinner?"

"For Spinner? What does Spinner have to do with this?"

Dylan was starting to realize he'd said too much.

"Dylan?"

He didn't answer.

"Dylan!"

Still nothing.

"What about Spinner?" she asked furiously.

"Nothing."

"Are you trying to tell me Paige hooked up with Spin?"

Dylan looked at her earnestly.

"Already?"

He nodded. "That's the real reason I had to get out of the house."

Everything inside of her seemed to crumble.

She wasn't one for tears. But she was still fragile from the break-up, and after beer and pot, she had no more defenses up. She leaned over, hiding her eyes in her hands, as her tears turned into silent sobs.

Paige couldn't leave her. Not like this. She was supposed to be hurting. She was supposed to be making amends, begging for a second chance. But fucking Spin? The memory of Paige's giddy behavior that day at school made her hesitate. Had she already rebounded that quick? Was she relieved to be rid of Alex so she could go back to the Furby? Was there any chance of reconciliation now?

She felt a hand on her back and tensed up. She looked at Dylan, his face lit up in that dopey smile of his. "Hey, it'll be ok. You'll be ok," he said, and he gripped her shoulder for emphasis. The moment passed quickly; they weren't close friends, after all. "I've gotta take a piss. I'll be back in a second, ok?"

She nodded. She watched him stumble behind some bushes. She looked at his beer can. She held it up. Just over half full. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a little plastic baggie. She hadn't dreamt her recent encounter with Jay after all.

"_I'll upgrade you for no charge," he'd said about the pot. "You certainly look like you need it. It's the best I've ever smoked. You'll like it. And if not, I'll even give you a refund." He smiled as he handed her the baggie and a packet of rolling papers. "Oh, you might want this too… for the lady." He pulled another baggie from his sleeve, a tiny one containing only one pill._

"_A roofie? Are you fucking kidding me?" asked Alex incredulously._

"_Hey, you might need it. You've been through a lot of shit. You won't be hurting anyone."_

Alex had thought for a moment to argue with him, or at least point out the mechanics of lesbian sex, but she finally realized that Jay now had one less roofie – she was doing the women of Canada a great service – plus, she didn't want to know why he even had one. But now, a rather crazy idea was forming in her head.

Paige was lost to her. Alex had obviously been nothing more than an experiment, or an act of kindness. Fine, Paige could have Gavin Mason. She didn't care. But she would show Paige. She would keep her in a way that Paige could never leave her. Maybe Paige had moved on, but she never would. She would remain loyal. She would show her how to love someone forever.

She only had so long before Dylan returned. She took the roofie out of the bag. One half into Dylan's beer. One half into her own. God only knew what would happen.

She hadn't yet developed a case of penis-phobia, though she certainly wasn't all that fond of them anymore. However, she could still give a blowjob without blinking, apparently. And Dylan was in such a fog, he didn't seem to know who she was – or that she was even a she. Her hair was dark and he slurred Marco's name a few times. The blowjob turned into something else… and then it was over. Dylan completely passed out, and the drugs and booze were getting to her too.

She crawled out from underneath him and opened the car door to vomit. _Stupid_, _stupid_, _stupid_, she said to herself, crying even more. Another wave of nausea gripped her and she suddenly needed to lie down. The roofie was kicking in, she realized in horror. It couldn't have hit Dylan yet, most likely. She was terrified that he would remember all this. At least he had passed out now. The ground started to move beneath her and she struggled to make herself decent, swearing that she would walk out of there before Dylan woke up to find her. Suddenly the trees whirled around her and her knees buckled and she collapsed into the soft dirt.

The next thing she knew, she awoke on Jay's couch.

"That was a stupid, fucked up thing to do, Alex," he said when she opened her eyes. "Fucking your ex-girlfriend's gay brother? What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking of her," she said softly before closing her eyes, trying to block everything out.

"That's great. You know I had to pull up Homochuk's pants so that he wouldn't have a clue what you did? Do you realize how disturbing that was for me?"

Alex didn't answer. She squeezed her eyes tight to hold back the tears. "I feel sick," she said suddenly, and Jay pointed to the bucket next to the couch. When she was through he pushed her hair back behind her ears. She didn't fight him. "That's what you get for drinking that much, along with the weed, and the way you were acting last night… I couldn't tell if you took the roofie or him." He stopped to examine her face, which was tinged with guilt. "Smart. You're going to feel like shit for a couple of days and I'm glad because, like I said, I had to pull up his pants. Do you realize that's not something you can ever recover from?"

When she finally looked at him, she could see that he wasn't really mad – he was just trying to get her to smile. Knowing this, she granted him one – albeit a small, forced one. "Thanks for cleaning up my mess. For watching out for me and all that."

"Obviously I should have been watching you closer," he said tenderly. "I didn't realize that you were, you know, so upset about the breakup. You seemed fine the day it happened."

"Yeah, and once it hit me what I'd done, I only regretted it. As frustrating as she is to be around, I actually miss that. If she just called me up right now and asked for a second chance, I'd give it to her. I'm weak and stupid when I'm around her. God, so stupid. Stupid love. Why did I have to fall in love with her?"

"Love? Shit, Lexi, that girl doesn't know what love is, unless you're talking to her about her newest pair of shoes."

"I know. That's where the weak and stupid comes into play."

Jay drove her home that afternoon, and even saw her to her apartment. "I could tuck you in, you know," he said earnestly.

"I think I can manage that myself," she said, and with a quick goodbye they parted

A few hours later, the phone rang. Alex was still in her room, feeling miserable, and didn't respond to her mother's calls until they grew particularly insistent. She dragged herself into the living room to take the phone from her mother. "Jesus, Lexi, it's about time you showed up. Here, it's some boy."

"Hello?" she asked, suddenly a little more focused.

"Um, hey. Alex?"

"…Dylan?" she responded and quickly headed off to her room. "Hold on a minute." She closed her door and spoke softly. "Ok, now you can talk."

"I just wanted to call to see how you were feeling today. I had the worst hangover ever," he said, his voice a little less sure than normal. Alex could tell he didn't really call to talk about that, but she certainly wasn't going to change the subject.

"Yeah, me too. Um, thanks for hanging out with me last night, I guess. I'd say we should do it again, but…" Her voice trailed off.

"Yeah. So, um… this might sound really strange, but I was wondering if you remember anything about last night… anything… unusual?"

"Well, I drank an unusually large amount and smoked some very good weed, which is unusual because I can't afford anything more than mediocre weed. But other than that, no, I don't remember anything."

"Do you remember how you got home?"

"Jay took me home," she answered shortly, racking her brain to figure out how to end the conversation soon.

"I remember waking up late this morning, in my car, still down at the ravine."

There was silence, which Alex finally broke. "Well, thanks for checking on me."

"Actually, I really wanted to… God, this is hard to ask, but… did anything… you know… happen?"

"Are you kidding me?" she asked, feigning shock, though the disgust in her voice was real.

"Ok, that was really embarrassing. But I just… I have these fuzzy memories that don't make any sense…"

"They're called dreams. I dreamt last night about leprechauns taking over the city. Weed does crazy shit to your mind."

"Ok. Yeah, you're probably right. Can we forget that this conversation ever happened?"

"Already done. I need to get going now."

And with that, she hung up. It was the last time she spoke to him.


End file.
